The horse and the pretty tree by Clementine Clarkesville

I went out filming,i like it when the horse comes upto the camera........

Seperation of the self by Clementine clarkesville...

If we only use 10% of our brain then i guess that 10% is consciousness and the other 90% is subconscious,but subconscious does that think too and if it does why cannot the 2 meet in a new setting,but i guess they do but just in another structured environment made by man.So we separate in order to be connected but why do we always need to separate in order to understand that being together is the point.....

Maybe we are all living on the wrong dimension and maybe if we all took a step sideways like the crab we would all be a lot more happy,in that we become more complete and understanding of who we are,we dont understand how simple we are,we are magical,but dangerous with it because of our stupidity,so 10% it is,i think that says a lot about the human race,thats of course if this fact is true....

I want to know why we exist,in order to understand my own existence and if there is an answer which im sure there is i will find it,if i can stop the daily grind of life from numbing my thoughts that is,to be alive in such consciousness as got to be something worth living for,mind blowing too but we arnt use to having our minds blown unless its by going to war and getting shot by the gun.......

Swabbism is not a word by Clementine Clarkesville....

To find meaning in the universe is not absurd,but what is absurd is to attach a word like absurdism to try to make it a human impossibility.So i give to you Bullshitism which is simply the stuff we shit out that we cant digest and its not absurd because its a human possibilty that as meaning in the universe,to bullshit.Guess im doing it now bullshitism because im trying to digest absurdism,or maybe i should be nihilistic and fuck it all off,or maybe i could just be myself or is that just too absurd to be ones self without attachments,maybe thats just a bit too open,because to be ones self you can stand in the meaning of the universe without meaning....

Ive been talking lots of bollocks today and the reason ive been talking bollocks is because im trying to find something to stir my imagination,so im just hitting on anything in hope that something will happen.I got a letter today though stating i have to go and have a smear test,but i hate having them done.I hate the way they put that cold metal cone shape thing in you and jack open your vagina by turning some bolt.Then they stick a swab in and wave it around and the nurses they always shout at me because i dont relax enough,but it just goes through me.So i hide the letters away for at least a few months whilst i come to terms with the ordeal before i can phone up to make an appointment and i know thats wrong but i dont like being swabbed up my vagina,end of.....

Moutain Stream by Clementine Clarkesville.....

Dont look back,
for i have gone,
forward over mountains high,
within your mind...

but it was only in your shaded light,
that i did sit,
but now the sun,
it passes bye,

behind a cloud,
that blinds your eye,
and you drown in the tear,
that you cry,

for i have gone,
over mountains high,
but the stream you see,
it comes to you,

so step inside,
so you can see,
how hurt a shadowed heart,
can be......

ASSYLUM ART by CLEMENTINE CLARKESVILLE...

I cant eat,i cant dress,but i can still wipe my arse,so thats ok,when i cant wipe my arse i will not write here on my wall,but with my own shit no doubt and i will call it asylum art,that shit i will give you again for free,in order to set me free from the asylum that you seek,in the shit of me,you freak,i freak,we all freak at the smell of our own shit.....

Off my breasts by Clementine Clarkesville....

Ive had a bad day today,so the results of such a bad day means that im very drunk now,im not only drunk but dare i say on my 3rd bifta(out of the list of joint names that is the one i prefer so far).Anyway yes my bad day,well yes its been pretty bad,too bad to mention really and i so want to tell you all the gorey details because this one is amazing,its all about trust and love,i think? im pissed and too drunk to fuck.But yeah i think it could be a good read....

Anyway i do have a confession,im not really drunk or on drugs or anything but it as been a bad day and the thing is if i wasnt being so strong and thinking about all the good in my heart i may of done those things and fucked too and thats a terrible thing to say about myself,so much so it makes me be ashamed to be a woman,that i cant stand up and just say im ok and that i dont need to hide away....

So there i guess thats me done,sorry but i had to get that off my chest......


I was listening to this song while i was writing though and i was thinking i wish i had 16 beers and i was rolling down the stairs too drunk to fuck and i still do, but im not im stone cold sober,drug free and i can fuck,i think thats pretty good....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hapufz1NFkY

Eat Me by Clementine Clarkesville.....

My writings seem desperately sad to me right now,i think my words they look for love but they always come back to me at the moment with an emptiness that makes me look at myself as not being so happy.But my heart strangely wants to keep looking and searching and so it does,it turns a blind eye on myself and allows me to almost ignore something i can see written before me....

So i must eat i guess,food is good for you you know and i have let too much time pass without.Days pass by but thoughts they can remain the same allowing your own life to pass you by without a thought of moving with it.Does the lack of food effect thought i think so because your thoughts have nothing to eat but yourself and so thats what they do they devour ill thought making you feel worse.Fill yourself with goodness and it is sure to show you the way to your own smile.....

I dont understand how my heart can turn a blind eye on myself though because i am reading what i write and i am going to respond to what i write by eating,but thats why i like to write because it helps me find a different consciousness that speaks to me sensibly and i have to trust that what comes out of me is somehow linked to what im trying to find.Ive put so much bad into myself and allowed it take me over that even the thing i thought was love ive had to let go......

What im listening to at the moment....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiOMjzNUPvs

Hole in my Shoe by Clementine Clarkesville....

Oh hidden truth i can see you,
through the sole of my shoe,
like daylight you pass through,
in your darkened room,
and you pester my lies,
that i think are true,

But i can see,
when you shine through,
that it was i,
that was sat in the dark,
pestering the truth of truth,
and when i open my eyes,
i see there are no lies,
but only a space,
between me and you.....

I wrote that at work today while Ray was getting ready to go to the library,then i went out into the garden,the sun it shone and the sky was blue and when i saw the chimney pots i saw where the clouds came from and the birds i heard many birds sing too.....

But the space between objects thats whats been fascinating me recently,well for a few months now because between all objects there is space as you know and your looking through it now if your reading this.But i believe many things exist in this space and by understanding this and that your travelling through it now to read,there is no reason you need to stop here but you do.....

Wet Dream by Clementine Clarkesville...

You woke from your wet dream and you fuck me only to try and re-enter the womb from which you came and you suck my breasts because you need to be fed,but i have no milk and so i give you head in order to show you that the child as fled.Dont feel abandoned or feel shame in your mind,i understand your kind,because your easy to find,worn elbows they prop up your life and in my life i endure strife.We need a revolution to end all this confusion,we arnt from mars or Venus but from earth penetrating its girth for a sexual rebirth....

MY 2008 by Clementine...

My achievements for 2008...

Stopped drinking
Stopped smoking
Been celibate for a year now (best energy saving device ever)
Stopped drugs (but they were never a regular thing)
Made a few videos
Done a bit of writing
Some photos
Met some nice pictures and had some nice conversations with them
Been enjoying the weather (getting wet is fun)
I read 3 books
Learnt some interesting things from people in interviews
Wrote a few letters
Recieved a few letters (love it when that happens)
No holidays (boo)
Bought a pair of jeans
Oh yes got a camera too in the summer
I recieved a bottle of perfume (amazing,its the first spray of perfume ive had in 2 years)
I rescued a bird that got hit on the road
Ive cried and laughed at my life (and yours)
I never found love
I never found my logfire and wooden shack
I never held hands
I never bought my wellingtons
But i did some good homecooking
A little dressmaking
Had some amazing ideas that never saw the light of day and many that did
Ive written to one person each week for one year because i think they are beautiful
I like to sleep
I like to wake

But the one thing i missed this year was not having someone to share my life with although i wouldnt moan about that too much because being alone as taught me many things,but here are just a few things ive done,its my average day that makes an average week that makes an average month turn into an average year to make my life a little more complete and this year will be the same if i add to it thats good but if not thats good too.....